Need comments

Party coming up in the dormity this weekend for the new students. Someone asked me to play my guitar, but apparently they didn't realize I only play a guitar. Notice the difference between "play" and "can play". So I told them forget it, but I'll play my saxophone. Being the shameless DAI fan that I am, I obviously will use this as a chance to get some PR in for Tomiko Van's solo career (sorry Ryo, I can't play rock on my sax >_<). I wrote out the melody for her song "Hold Me" a month ago and have been practicing it a bit. I'll be playing that.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=m-UR7xR4Fho
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TjfRcm8fGgY

What I got so far. It sounds flat the whole way through, some parts where the note doesn't come out nice, and I need to smooth it out. In general, I think it sounds kind of nasty, but there's an underlying niceness that hopefully will come out with more practice. Go me for ad libing the solo part. I did it 3 times, too, because this was my 3rd time recording. Comments please especially any tips on what I can do to make it better. Been a few years since I played my sax. >_< (you can just leave them on the blog cause youtube makes you sign up to comment)

Van Tomiko singing "Hold Me" live
http://youtube.com/watch?v=snhUibvbKwQ